It’s hard in the arts. People have been entrenched in this field for decades and you’re a young arts manager who has the ideas and the drive to save the world by 5pm so that you can go to Happy Hour. Dealing with co-workers who have seniority is an art in its own right. But again, this is not that blog post.
I’m talking about you. And self-care. And self-respect.
Recently, a supervisor asked me to send an email. (Honestly, it was to attempt to correct something that didn’t turn out to be a huge problem, but it was the unfortunate way things turned out.) So, since this is one of my superiors asking, I did it. However, the second I hit “send” on my email, I regretted it. It was not the right thing to do. I was not thinking clearly in the moment. I should had said, “Wait, can we talk about this first?”
...I didn’t know how to respond to that. In fact, I still don’t know how to answer that because he asked a loaded and defensive question. But one of the other guys jumped in: “Hey, calm down, if a kindergarten teacher was accused of molesting kids, I wouldn’t want her teaching my kid until we knew for certain that she did it.” ...Ok, well, that took it to an extreme place, but it gave me time to assess the situation and then divert the group to another topic.
After, I was filled with this unnerving sense of unease. I thought that first guy was still super mad at me. So I went to my supervisor to talk to her about it. Lisa, the kind-hearted and tough as nails teacher of the school in the correctional facility, always told me, “Julia, it’s ok to stir the pot. Sometimes there’s a lot of sh*t that needs to hit the fan.” But I knew I had somehow overstepped with that guy in the classroom - he had an anger issue and was not afraid to let you know when he was mad. So in going to Lisa, I learned a really important life lesson:
Trust your gut.
“Julia,” she said, “You’re smart. You’re observant. If something isn’t sitting right, don’t let it sit. Do what your gut tells you. When it’s twisting inside, untwist it.”
So after a few days of fearful interactions with this guy who asked me a question which I answered in a way he thought devalued his human experience, I went to him and asked him. I was right. He was mad. I honestly don’t remember how we resolved the issue, but we both went on living our lives and he remained calm in my classes.
Looking back, though, I did learn an important lesson in self-care that day. I should trust my gut and follow through. It’s a lot better to ask questions and use the information provided to tell your gut what’s up. Maybe I’m all twisted inside for a minor reason, but if I’m twisted about it - why? Don’t spend hours or days in turmoil. We have instincts for a reason - use them to balance out your brain.
“When it’s twisting inside, untwist it.”
Easier said than done, right? The second I hit “send” on that email, I knew I had made a poor judgement call. It was a moment of panic. But I thought back to writing that email - did I feel my gut twist before I hit send? Yes, I did. So, why did I not listen to it?
Trust your gut. Check in with yourself when necessary. I’m no longer in a correctional setting where tempers flair in tiny spaces, but I am in the arts world now, a place where passions are ignited by something as small as a passing comment. Respect your head and your gut to lead you to make the right choices. If your brain says one thing and your gut says another, listen. Let them talk it out. Once you can resolve their issue, you can move on to the issues at hand.